Family. Can’t Live with ’em, can’t live without.

Having hit one of the worse phases emotionally in so many years, I slowly feel my soul losing faith in people i’ve worked tirelessly to please all my life. How stupid have i been all this while! Oh, the wishes i have buried deep inside, the dreams i have deleted from memory even before they took complete shape, only because i was afraid it may not be good enough to please them. You know, I never thought of the things as sacrifices but merely as steps that would make me more visible and important in their lives, only to find out my good wasn’t just good enough. It isn’t now and it never was.

I am just so tired of arguing all the time. There has never been a thing i have truly desired and received with a smile. It’s like i have to earn my happiness by justifying why i am worth it. For the past week I’ve been walking amongst strangers trying to find solace. There’ a fake smile plastered on my face, but inside i’ve just been breaking down, little by little inside each day.

Finally I throw my hat in the ring today. Giving up. That’s it. No more of this trying to be the perfect someone for somebody. If people like perfect, they should try and fix themselves up first. From this moment, i have decided to think only of myself first. No family, no parents, no siblings, no society, no friends, nothing. MYSELF. The rest can go take a hike. Done with listening to bullshit from people who don’t matter, yet seem to control situations around me.

My heart may have broken but the soul is still intact. I will rise again, only this time it will be only for myself.


Circle of Life

Life and Death are two sides of a coin. Such a cliched line, isn’t it? One we try to get through with eyes open and not complain about, and the other we’re afraid to think about.

There are so many unfortunate things that you see happening to other people, but never for a second imagine it could ever happen to you. But it takes near experience of death to sit up and take notice of life. Especially when it occurs close to home. It’s only when tragedy strikes closer to home do you start questioning, and trying to make sense of life in a larger picture.

Don’t  you think death is the worst game cheater out there? Always playing games with our minds. Sometimes it makes one wait years before taking them in, and at times, it comes unannounced, not caring whether the person is ready or not.

As if it’s trying to say, time’s up buddy, it’s time to finally head home. And what can you do when that happens? Wave goodbye and fly away silently.

But does it even think about people that get left behind, after it takes away the most precious part of their existence?

All they can do is shed tears. Tears for the feeling of loneliness yet to arrive. Tears for the moments that could’ve been lived, shared and laughed about. Tears for the hours, the night before, where the only thought was the hopefulness of the next day.

But slowly the tears dry up and they wave back. Wishing the departed soul, much more love and laughter in their next life.

Such is life. You just get through it trying to make it count and then one fine day, poof! it’s gone. Forever. Taken over by death, the circle of life completes itself.